WEDDING PLANNING - IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO!
Feeling what everyone else wants isn’t what you want? Planning a wedding can be stressful but it’s okay to say NO!
A wedding day is a special day you and your fiancé will remember for the rest of your life. When facing a tsunami of advice, requests and ideas from friends and family and it can be difficult to say no. Whether you’re a people pleaser or just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, we share some tips on how to say no.
- Don’t try to please everyone
If there’s something you don’t like, communicate it straight away. If you have an explanation on why you’re saying no - provide it. Don’t be on the defensive, just explain what’s important to you and try to be as clear as possible. Politely compliment suggestions and offer thanks for the input but stick to your guns. “I think you will be excited to see what we come up with”, or “your input was so valuable to us” are good ways to start.
- Focus on what’s really important and don’t sweat the little stuff
Don’t lose sight of the real picture. Nothing about a wedding is as important as the marriage that will follow. You’re honoring the beginning of your lives together. Most likely something on the day won’t go as planned, remember to keep perspective.
- Don’t be pressured into having or doing it all
Sit down with your fiancé and decide what means the most to you both and what elements aren’t really your thing. It really is up to you! “I’ll put that on my list of possible vendors” or “on my list of possibilities” are great responses when you don’t want to commit to anything somebody suggests but you still want to respond in a positive way. Making a list “crap people suggest” is a fun way to record all the ideas and advice, and when you do get a chance to review it you will find many weird, impersonal, and contradictory suggestions, plus some great ones! Remember the advice is all well intentioned and coming from a place of excitement and love for you both but you don’t have to do any of them.
Don’t get overwhelmed (we see you control freaks and perfectionists out there!)
Ensure you spread the responsibility so that you both don’t feel overwhelmed and burnt out.
Don’t be afraid to seek out wedding professionals (caterers, florists etc) to help with the planning if it is all getting too much. Friends and Family will be more than happy to help – giving them something to do may help get them out of your hair too. Just be clear on what and how you want it done. Keep it simple!
- Not sure – don’t decide straight away
Nothing must be decided then and there. Take time out to think about things. You may regret hurried decisions later particularly with styling. Make informed decisions and move forward, but don’t stress over all the options. Not good at deciding? Pick two or three options and choose one of them.
- It’s your day – there are no rules!
You should do this; you should do that. We’ve all heard it before, but this is the one day that you can do as YOU please!
- Don’t want to invite someone?
Be sure in your decision and the reasons. If you feel strongly that it’s the right thing to do, then it is your decision to make, but there may be consequences. Don’t make it about what happened or was done to you, own your decision and be accountable for it. Your decision may hurt people’s feelings. Address the issue early and be straight forward and stand your ground.
“I’m not comfortable having you attend my wedding. I’m sorry but I’ve made my decision.”
“I acknowledge that this will be upsetting to you, but I’ve made the decision not to invite you to my wedding. I’m sorry but my decision is final.”
You may find others may threaten not to attend because of the decision. But if it feels like the right decision to you, don’t be blackmailed. If you feel you might cave in, then don’t make the decision in the first place. Consider whether you could repair the relationship.
If not try keeping it simple:
“I’m sorry you won’t be there, but it’s my final decision”
Try not to get into arguments or debates about your decision. Politely end the conversation:
“I haven’t made this decision lightly, but it's one that I feel is right for me. I don’t want to discuss it anymore, I’m sorry”.
- Don’t want a traditional ceremony – you don’t have to
Follow your own instincts and go with your gut. If there are things that you want to do, then great. Otherwise set your own traditions and quirks. Traditions can be lovely but only if they are meaningful to you.
Take some time off together for your own sanity. Have date nights where the wedding planning is off limits. The big day will come and go so quickly and suddenly it’s all over with. It really can be a special moment shared with all your loved ones. Remember to relax and enjoy it!